Machete don’t text.

Rodriguez, you’ve done it again.

http://www.beyondhollywood.com/uploads/2010/09/machete.jpg

After the brilliant Grindhouse episode with Tarantino – producing Death Proof and directing the second half Planet Terror, I was very much looking forward to the release of Machete, unfortunately it’s taken me more than a fortnight to find the time to watch it.

Safe to say I wasn’t disappointed. Danny Trejo as Machete was perfect, battle scarred, tattoed, fucking badass. Robert DeNiro as the anti-immigration Texan senator who in fact couldn’t stand the heat was fantastic, but then again it’s DeNiro… Jessica Alba also seemeed pretty good in this bloody, mexican, taco-consuming  smash-up-the-bad-guy situation. Lindsay Lohan was naked most of the time as was her “mother”, a good career move? At least the girl can laugh at herself.

My favourite might have been the priest – Padre (Cheech Marin)

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/14600000/Padre-Wallpaper-machete-14695367-1680-1050.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.fanpop.com/spots/machete/images/14695367/title/padre-wallpaper&usg=__NbVxuFBDMlgeJaVfzQmh_5zadkA=&h=1050&w=1680&sz=524&hl=fr&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=MfR3JSOSIGNEIM:&tbnh=130&tbnw=173&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dmachete%2Bpadre%26hl%3Dfr%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D556%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=106&vpy=84&dur=540&hovh=177&hovw=284&tx=216&ty=44&ei=7WgFTbaeFsGBswbl-632CQ&oei=7WgFTbaeFsGBswbl-632CQ&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0

And my new would-be lesbian crush?

It was a complete no-holes barred, heads being chopped off, naked chicks, knives (obviously), guns and Mexicans THRILL RIDE. I can safely say that I enjoyed it immensely. I think I was the only girl in the cinema who had dragged a boy to see it against his will as opposed to the other way around. There is nothing like a good shoot ’em up, or slash ’em up, especially where Steven Segal’s involved, past it? Yes. Does anyone care? No, it’s entertainment and he can still pull off “corny Mexican Gangster” with the best of them. The traditional and much anticipated blood spatter of Rodriguez films was ever-present and ever-ridiculous, as was the corny dialogue and well timed explosions and fight sequences. And the grungy bassline that pops up time and time again throughout the film makes the action even better.

If you want some good old fashioned violence, gore and bad guys, go and watch it. Please.

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